Agony Lad

So here it goes. The first problem! This one comes from the goddess of day time tripe herself, Trisha's own website. It involves heartache and deception. a man ahas been wronged. It comes from Cheryl. So here goes.

Cheryl wrote to us in turmoil…
'I've been with John for 7 years, we never married as he was always afraid of making the ultimate commitment. Last year after a life of crime and another burglary he was sentenced to six months in jail.
During the run up to the trial I thought I could cope but after a night out with some girlfriends I met a bloke and, I'm ashamed to admit, had a one night stand. As a result of that one stupid incident - I became pregnant.
I never saw, or wanted to see, this man again and never told him of the pregnancy. Only my very best friend knows of my infidelity
The thing is, John and I had been trying for a baby for the last couple of years but had been unsuccessful (I always thought it was my fault)
I was going to confess all to John - I managed to blurt out I was pregnant but before I could tell him it wasn't his he threw his arms around me and was over the moon.

I realise more than ever now how much I love him and can't bare to tell him the child is not his.
Funnily enough my 'one night stand' even looked a bit like him so he'd need never know'.

What can I do Marty?
(that bit was added by me for effect)

Firstly Cheryl I must ask, have you ever heard of the theory of evolution? If not then here is all that you need to know about it. DONT YOU OR YOUR BOYFRIEND BREED! You two sound like real class act what with his "lifetime of crime" and your yo-yoing knickers. What first attracted you to John? His Indian ink tat? The mongrel bull terrier? Or his Argos jewelry? Trying for a baby, Jesus people don’t spawn, my income tax is high enough without another Mohican barnetted sprog to feed on chicken nuggets.
"I could cope but after a night.." That was before he even went to the big house! Good God woman just think how many cocks you would have had if he was banged up for a real stretch! You would have made a swishing sound as you waddled your ski pant covered arse down the road. So you have to think positive then, the guy you humped in the bogs of that night club probably comes from a better background than your boyfriend. Maybe he even went to a school! I mean lets face it he can’t be worse than your old man, unless he had one of those leg tags on? Obviously it wasn’t on his third leg anyway, or any other kind of prevention device for that matter
So in short my advice to you is lay off the white lightening and the blue WKD and possibly read a book or two. As a last resort even get a job and be able to afford to buy knickers with decent elastic.

Well hello and welcome to my blog. Firstly I would like to say thank you for dropping by and i hope that you enjoy the rabbling of a semi-alcoholic, semi-literate lad. If not then might i suggest that you piss off now since this just aint going to be your cup of tea. If you are the kind of person who regularly laughs at other mis fortunes then this is right up your street.
The aim of this blog is to give, what i consider, straight forward advice to those people who are having a hard time. The kind of people who feel they have no where else to turn, who are seeking a fair and balanced opinion. The kind of people that decide that thier life is SO bad that they need a dopey bint like Trisha to sort it out. I am here to help!
I have never really understood how Trisha gets her guests ( other than paying for the actor ones and the ones who want a few quid for special brew). How does your life become so bad that you have to write to "Dear Jane" in the Star? Who are these silly old dears? where the hell do you go to find an old bird like that one off "This morning"? These are some of the things I am here to address.
Every so often I will post a problem that I have found in one of the problem pages online or in the papers. I will write the problem, give the "pro" reply then I will give my opinion on the problem and some of the reasons for that opinion.
What are my credentials for dispensing such sagely advice? Fuck all. Which is about the same as most of those other half wits. I am the alternative to the soppy old dears who tell those muppets to have a romantic dinner and a bottle of wine. I am a bloke! My passions range from beer to sex. I like a bit of footie playing poker and gravy chips or curry. I am in a relationship and have been for years ( must be doing something right)and have one son aged 6 ( so did one thing right). Might I just add at this point that he was concieved without tubes or turkey baster, there is no question of parentage and he (so far) is without an ASBO, also he has no kids of his own yet.Thats about it really. No doubt I will reveal more as the blog grows but you'll have to wait on that.
So once again thanks for dropping by.