Dumb boy with heart of gold

"Dear Mookychick,

Look, I'm not going to try to bore you with silly little details or anything like that. But I'll do my best to construe the situation to you as best as possible.

I consider myself not to be a dumb boy. From all the guides I have read, I am apparently doing everything right. I compliment her, I support her when she decides to do something, but at the same time I try not to be too clingy. And in all honesty she's someone I feel close to.

But there's a problem.

First off, I'd like to get something cleared up. I'm not going out with her, we aren't dating. Unfortunately. I care very deeply for her and she's the only person on this planet I would push out of the way of a train if, out of the two of us, I knew she'd be the only one to get out of the way in time, she'd be the only one I would leap in front of a bullet for, she'd be the only one I would burn to death in a house fire rescuing.

She doesn't know this, but I don't tell her because it would freak her out. See, she's very afraid of my kind. My kind is males in general.

She doesn't feel we are very close, yet the facts stand. We talk for upwards of 5 hours a day every day without hitting a lull in the conversation, we see each other at school, and though we're too afraid to talk to one another in person, we shoot sidelong glances at each other and *almost* talk when passing each other.

But she's afraid to let anyone close to her. She feels afraid to get attached to someone. I know I'm closer to her than enyone else because of the personal info we share, that she tells me, and I tell her. We know more about each other than any other person knows about either of us. But the thing is we're both deathly afraid of getting personal. I don't know why she's afraid, maybe it's the same reason as me. And my reason is my own. I apologize, but it's personal data I don't share with just anyone.

Here's a metaphor. Has your math teacher ever talked about two lines with constantly halving distances? Basically what that means is the distance between two lines will keep halving, making the lines get closer and closer together for all eternity. However, mathematically, no matter HOW close the lines get, they are never going to touch.

That's how I feel. Like I'm getting closer and closer to this girl, but never being able to make contact. it saddens, frustrates, and depresses me all at the same time. I don't know what to do. I'm trying everything. I know she doesn't want to give up, and neither do I. But it's kind of like she's been inside her shell so long she doesn't know HOW to get out of it, even though I can hear her screaming on the other side.

So please, help me. How can I make the lines touch? How can I help her open her shell? I don't know what to do, and I'm tearing myself apart trying to figure it out. "

Sincerely, a dumb boy with a heart of gold

Char says...

relationship advice Dear Friend

What strikes me first about your letter is that you appear to have an articluate writing style which suggests to me that you're a bit more clued up than what you may otherwise already think.

This girl sounds as though she could have been hurt previously or it could be that she just doesn't fancy you and is trying to be evasive so as not to hurt your feelings.

You say you talk for up to 5 hours a day? I'm assuming this is on the internet... being shy when you see someone is normal, at any age but especially when you're in your teens.

I'm afraid there's no magic word to get her to open up to the possibility of a relationship with you, but the fact that you're intimate with words with one another suggests that this isn't as much of a lost cause as one may at first suspect.

You are doing all the right things so far - you sound like you're aware of what girls need.

The thing is, that no matter what you do in life romance-wise, you'll inevitably hit heartache. Unless you want to remain single and alone for ever, it's one of life's certainties (along with death and taxes) that you'll experience hurt due to a direct result of being in or not in a relationship either through choice or force. That's how romance goes. Why do you think there are so many songs written about it, so many poets, so many books, films and sonnets? Love is a tricky and complicated emotion that no-one understands. Feelings are one of the most complex attributes that make up a human character and we can neither hide or deny them when they appear. Cest la vie!

You have to go with the flow, and rock to your tune. Never change yourself for anyone but you and only then, on your own say so.

Be afraid, yeah, of course, take it easy, take it slow but why deny yourself the potential love that could blossom between you both for the sake of a fear that may not even materialise?

Try to convey this to her, but do it slowly and naturally.

You'll both be fine, the question is, will it be with each other?

Good luck xx

Ashley says...

relationship advice Heart of Gold,

The Way of the Girl: You talk five hours a day = She knows you're fawny over her. But to say it upfront would 'freak her out' only because it would demolish her silently-established girl control.

To her, you are another girl friend. Believe me, if she found some hawt boy who made her panties moist, she'd get attached to him in a jiffy, fears of attachment or none.

This is not about constantly halving lines. This is about one constantly halving line. Yours. You are not going to win this girl's heart. She's not interested and honestly, if you really were interested, you'd do something about it.

A heart of gold is nothing without a pair of brass balls to boot.

Marty Says:
Well you have hit the nail on the head when you say dumb. you "talk" for five hours but when she sees you she ignores you. Ask her what the fuck that's all about. are you sure it's her you are "talking" too? I could be her mum or even worse her Dad. fuck knows with the net. If I was you I would have a good long look at myself and search for an anwser as to why the fuck you are sitting at a comp for 5 hours a day talking bollocks over the net? get a life you arsehole. you would take a bullet for her would you? save her from a train and all that, she dont like you! she wont even speak to you are you totally stupid. there is nothing wrong in liking some girl any girl but you have to face facts, she aint wringing out her knickers after "talking" to you. so aint got a chance.next time your online with her just drop in a quick line someting like this " u look so hot tday strangled the pope twice thinking bout ya" see what she says. its a coin flip she will either write back " fuck off you cunt" or you might get " thanks" if you get the thanks you are in. if its "fuck off you cunt" well even you can figure that out.
by the way have you ever considered that she might be different away from the net? most people are lying bastards